Tough, but amazing, run this morning. I have been having sleep troubles lately and my doc has me undergoing a bunch of tests/gave me a prescription/thinks I might have a crazy thyroid or sleep apnea. I always pegged sleep apnea as something afflicting the obese/elderly, but apparently not in all cases. My girlfriend insists it isn't, however, as she's seen me sleep many times and there appears to be no gasping. Whatever, that's not the point. The point I am trying to make is I managed to get a good night's sleep last night and, in spite of an annoying head-cold, I clocked 7k this morning at a good pace and actually enjoyed my run.
I've been feeling rather tense about the half marathon in the last couple of months. There doesn't seem to be enough time to train; it's too hot in the summer anyways; I'm the slowest of my group; I can't seem to get enough sleep and I feel like I have no juice in the tank. All of these little niggling worries have built up to be a giant "YOU CAN'T RUN A HALF MARATHON" monkey on my back. This Saturday morning, annoyed after yet another night of 6-hours-only, I plain old didn't go for my long run, and considered my exit clauses. Maybe I could fake an injury so I didn't look like a total moron for having built a little team of runners and encouraged everyone to join in and then not do it? I just felt awful at the prospect but it didn't feel like I had any choice. If I can't sleep, how can I run?
So I got a good sleep on Saturday night after a hilarious camping mishap, and then again on Sunday. Woke up on Monday feeling like I might actually be a runner, had a good, hilly 5k, and then went off to the doctor to talk about my insomnia. Just talking to a professional seemed to light a giant weight off my shoulders. Maybe I'm not crazy? Maybe there is something going on, physiologically? Or maybe it isn't physiological at all and I can start some targeted talk-therapy to figure out why the hell I can't get no-ZZZZs.
Fast forward to Monday night - I start to feel sick with a cold earlier in the day and my energy and over-all joie de vivre is waning. I can't sleep. I can't get comfortable. I start to have anxiety. I push my alarm forward and decide to skip the gym workout for Tuesday morning. Come Tuesday, I'm up at 6am regardless, and exhausted. I leave work early because my head/face feel like they are going to explode from the sinus pressure, and work from home that afternoon. Come evening, I fall asleep on the couch by about 8:30 and crawl into bed an hour later.. and sleep. SLEEP. And sleep some more.
This morning I wake up with my alarm, wipe the dust off my brain and get out the door shortly after. and I run. RUN. There was even a skip in my step, I wager. I run for all the reasons I started running - the fitness, the quiet, the meditative calm, the internal challenge, the gorgeousness of the outdoors in the morning, and more. The weather is perfect, my pace is good, the run goes well. Afterwards I started thinking about my plan of attack for the half, the email I am going to send out to the office soliciting funds for our chosen charity, the post-run celebration and, generally speaking, how good I am going to feel once it is done.
I guess sometimes you have to go all the way to the other side to appreciate where you are right now, and where you can go.
No comments:
Post a Comment